This hit me while running a couple of weeks ago with KJ and I've been chewing on it since then.
I should say, running then stopping then running then stopping then...(you get the idea). The stops were to try to console KJ who kept screaming at the top of his lungs because he did not want me out of his sight (and behind his stroller was out of sight). I was so frustrated. I just kept thinking, "All I wanted was 30 minutes of exercise, some tunes and some fresh air. Could you please understand and cooperate, could you please let Mommy have her way THIS ONCE?" [I should insert here that KJ is a nearly perfect baby...I mean seriously, so incredibly laid-back, which makes it all the more AMAZING that I was so frustrated by this isolated incident.]
Finally, I gave up, sat down in the grass, was about to pout, but instead prayed. Wouldn't it be great if I could say right here "and magically, KJ just stopped screaming" but he didn't. Instead, as I gave up on the run and we headed home, I thought "for this child I prayed". I was dumb-founded. I did, I really did, PRAY for this child.
When the Lord finally brought me to a place where I could trust in him and just pray for a child in HIS perfect timing, I began to pray for our child like I have never prayed for anything. RRL and I prayed together so purposefully during this season. Shortly after this realization and relinquishment of control, we found out that KJ was on his way to us.
I almost laughed out-loud at myself for letting one rough day with him so overshadow the fact that Lord blessed me with a son, entrusted me with this gift, allowed me to be a parent. YIKES, how shallow am I? I know that the Lord blesses us each day, but some of His gifts are just so very obviously answers to our prayers. Being a mom was one such answered prayer in my life, yet sometimes I treat it with such flippancy.
Now, don't get me wrong. There have been more rough days and many frustrating moments as I figure out this parenting thing. There will probably always be spoiled plans, nights interrupted, quiet time destroyed. But oh there have been sweet times, too. There has been immeasurable joy, unconditional love, laughter, tears, so MANY blessings all coming from this sweet child... this child for whom I prayed. When I do get frustrated I keep hearing those words and somehow even the frustrating times are a blessing.
Do you guys struggle with this? Not necessarily with your kids, but in all aspects of life, marriage, parenthood, friendship? Don't we always tend to take blessings for granted and do more complaining than thanksgiving? Maybe this is an obvious thought, just been on my mind.
Ok- I know I've been on a serious kick. I'll post pictures, too.
It is amazing how simple things or little moments in life can serve as huge perspective shifts. I've had two such moments in the last couple of weeks.
1) Watching "Super Stars" basketball. A good friend from church plays on a team with other Special Olympics Athletes. There is nothing that can make your Saturday better than watching these teenagers cheer for everyone (even the other team), take turns, give their mom's high-fives, get excited about the snacks and hold their hands up after every out-of-bounds as if to say "I didn't touch it". I seriously smiled all day after this game and left thinking, "Now this is what sports are about...the fun of the game". I would love to know how to instill these same lessons in my son.
2) Last night RRL and I had a chance to spend some time with a young friend from church that spent the night with us. As we were all going to sleep in our room, he said the prayer. Although I've heard him pray before and I've heard other children pray, this time it struck me differently. I've never noticed before how much time in prayer kids spend saying "thank you" and how little time they spend saying "please". When I pray, I tend to rush obligingly through my "thank you" to get to the "please". When does this shift? When did I suddenly decide that I didn't have time or that I was too mature to thank God for each of my family members by name, thank him for the moon and stars, thank him for the fun day I had, thank him for the things I value most in life. At some point I started thinking that the way I would show God that I am thankful for the people closest to me was to list all of the things that I needed him to do for them. I don't think it is wrong to ask God to take care of the people you love, but I know He must love the prayer of a child that thanks him and then just trusts him. As I pray with KJ at night, I'll have to work hard to not rob him of that innocent trust and sincere thanksgiving.
Ok, so after my drastic 1st post, R and I chatted some more and decided that pictures would be ok. So, here are a couple of my recent favs to give you some insight into our little man...
KJ is very intentional about his play time. He definitely laughs and giggles, but many times while he is playing he has this very intense "I'm going to figure this out if it kills me" look on his face. The above picture depicts the furrowed brow, focused eyes and stern concentration that we often see. When he gets this look you can say his name over and over and he WILL NOT look up from what he is doing. This picture shows one of his favorite things to concentrate on...banging any two objects together to make noise. Wood chips did not prove to be very powerful noise makers, though, and they were a little prickly.
He is the sweetest sleeper. I often sneak back into his room after he falls asleep to find him snuggled up like this with an animal of choice (I know, bad form for letting him have blankets and things in his bed).
Just thought I would give you a quick snapshot of one of our greatest joys- watching our son grow. What a privilege!
Back by popular demand... Deep Rolling Right Field has returned!
Ok, I do not know how popular the demand really was, but I am back anyway. Many of you have kindly asked about my presence (or lack of) in the blogging world. I'll admit, I do have the cutest little munchkin, and it is very sad that many of you live too far away to get to watch him grow...so i am back.
You might be asking, "WHERE DID YOU GO? I still have a link to your old blog from my blog, but one day it just quit working".
Well, it did not accidentally or mysteriously quit working. I deleted the old blog! We are to the point where we can laugh about this now, so I thought my new readers might enjoy the humor too. One of my last posts on the old blog was about my son's favorite things. What he enjoys playing with, what some of his nicknames are, the tricks he can do, etc. In response, my sweet husband decided that he needed to share with me his concerns about putting too much information on the world wide web. An appropriate response from me would have been "I am so thankful that my husband has a job that allows him to learn so much and be so interested in technology and its benefits and draw backs. I am so glad that he is in tune with the things that teenagers are participating in so that he can better mentor them. I really should try to learn from his knowledge. Or, even if I disagree, I have a responsibility to submit to what he thinks is best for our family." If only those had been the first thoughts that came into my head, maybe I could have controlled what came out of my mouth (I did not). Instead, I huffed and puffed and promptly DELETED my entire blog...I lost all the words that I carefully placed there about our family, my sweet grandmother's passing, our son's milestones...GONE. In thinking I was punishing him for being over-protective and unsupportive, I really only punished myself. Isn't that how it always works!
So, it has taken me a little while to reconcile his views and mine and to swallow my pride enough to admit that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there was some validity to his concern. In an effort to meet in the middle, I am starting a new blog, but it does not have my full name as the address and I'm going to refrain from using our names in my posts. I'll tell stories about our goings-on, but leave out details that we've decided as a family are too personal for WWW material.
Don't hear me preaching- you do what you feel best on your own blog, but do please honor the fact that on this blog there won't be names or places identified. Help me with that in your comments. I know I might be going a little overboard by not even saying our first names, but its just easier for me to draw the line at everything than try to muddle my way through the "grey" areas. My gmail address, and thus my posting name, still has part of my name in it. I'm not changing that- its impossible to cut out ALL personal information, I guess. And if someone tried really hard I'm sure they could put lots of pieces together about our family, but at the request of my husband, I'm just trying to not make it any easier than it has to be.
As for pictures, I'll put up a password protected link soon so you can see pictures (i will need a little help from aforementioned amazing hubby for this one)! Stay tuned...
Ok, that was way too long of an explanation, but just thought i would answer all the questions at once and for maybe for the first time in my life I'm admitting to the WHOLE WORLD that I WAS WRONG...you heard it here first, folks.