This hit me while running a couple of weeks ago with KJ and I've been chewing on it since then.
I should say, running then stopping then running then stopping then...(you get the idea). The stops were to try to console KJ who kept screaming at the top of his lungs because he did not want me out of his sight (and behind his stroller was out of sight). I was so frustrated. I just kept thinking, "All I wanted was 30 minutes of exercise, some tunes and some fresh air. Could you please understand and cooperate, could you please let Mommy have her way THIS ONCE?" [I should insert here that KJ is a nearly perfect baby...I mean seriously, so incredibly laid-back, which makes it all the more AMAZING that I was so frustrated by this isolated incident.]
Finally, I gave up, sat down in the grass, was about to pout, but instead prayed. Wouldn't it be great if I could say right here "and magically, KJ just stopped screaming" but he didn't. Instead, as I gave up on the run and we headed home, I thought "for this child I prayed". I was dumb-founded. I did, I really did, PRAY for this child.
When the Lord finally brought me to a place where I could trust in him and just pray for a child in HIS perfect timing, I began to pray for our child like I have never prayed for anything. RRL and I prayed together so purposefully during this season. Shortly after this realization and relinquishment of control, we found out that KJ was on his way to us.
I almost laughed out-loud at myself for letting one rough day with him so overshadow the fact that Lord blessed me with a son, entrusted me with this gift, allowed me to be a parent. YIKES, how shallow am I? I know that the Lord blesses us each day, but some of His gifts are just so very obviously answers to our prayers. Being a mom was one such answered prayer in my life, yet sometimes I treat it with such flippancy.
Now, don't get me wrong. There have been more rough days and many frustrating moments as I figure out this parenting thing. There will probably always be spoiled plans, nights interrupted, quiet time destroyed. But oh there have been sweet times, too. There has been immeasurable joy, unconditional love, laughter, tears, so MANY blessings all coming from this sweet child... this child for whom I prayed. When I do get frustrated I keep hearing those words and somehow even the frustrating times are a blessing.
Do you guys struggle with this? Not necessarily with your kids, but in all aspects of life, marriage, parenthood, friendship? Don't we always tend to take blessings for granted and do more complaining than thanksgiving? Maybe this is an obvious thought, just been on my mind.
Ok- I know I've been on a serious kick. I'll post pictures, too.