The thing I both love and hate about Google is that if you look hard enough you can surely find someone that agrees with you or validates you. There is someone out there that can take your symptoms or concerns and diagnose them exactly the way you had hoped.
Which is why it may or may not have been a TERRIBLE idea for me to Google “Early signs of labor” yesterday. I was 3 days away from my due date and I just needed to find someone who could tell me that what I’ve been feeling (which actually amounts to not very much at all), is DEFINITELY a SIGN that our sweet baby boy will be here soon. Surely there was someone who could take my symptoms (or lack there of) and accurately predict when our son will be born.
And, true to Google form, I found someone. On a random message board I read that one person described her journey toward active labor this way:
“With my second, labor started via radiating pains in my hips and lower back on Tuesday, nothing but crankiness on Wednesday and horrible contractions on Thursday morning that felt like I was being stabbed (baby was born 5 hours later on that day).”
SWEET. I actually did have random pains in my hip on TUESDAY and was super cranky on Wednesday. This must be a SIGN. But guess what? This is Thursday. And so far- nada.
Which reminds me. There is no such thing as a reliable crystal ball…even on Google. And it appears that our oldest son’s constant mantra of “Only God knows when baby C will come” is very true. Shockingly. I wonder how our 5-year-old got to be so wise? It certainly must be his amazing parents, the same ones that were Googling their symptoms.
The funny thing about trying to find an answer on Google is that it is so different the “normal me.” It actually makes me laugh to think I could know in my head that I would not find something there that could predict CT’s arrival, yet I had such urgency about the search.
The end of pregnancy is funny that way. There are so many ways in which my head and logic are completely disconnected from my actions. In my searches yesterday, I found this hilarious article about “early signs of labor”. And I loved the funny spin it put on the last days of pregnancy. So, I thought it might be fun/funny to document a few of my own irrational behaviors from the last few days.
1) A couple of weeks ago I remembered that I had a pair of linen maternity pants. Where in the world were those? Why haven’t I been wearing them? Instead of waiting until morning to find them, I decided to get up in the middle of the night, go into the attic, dig around in my rubbermaid storage bins, and find the missing pants and take them to the laundry room to be washed. Absolutely COULD.NOT.WAIT until morning and let RRL help.
2) And you can bet that they were washed quickly because I’m nearly in a panic if I leave the house in the mornings without having all of the laundry clean, folded and put away. Because how in the WORLD will anyone be able to find clothes for my babies if everything is not in their drawers/closets. Which reminds me, maybe I need to go ahead and layout some outfits for each of them. I wish I was kidding.
3) On Sunday we met some friends for dinner at the park. The picnic was at the other end of the park from our house, maybe a mile away. So, like any reasonable person at this stage in pregnancy whose husband is at work- I decided we would walk. As if trying to keep up with two boys on bicycles while pushing a stroller full of our Princess and our picnic stuff wasn’t silly enough, the whole way there I nearly worked myself into a frenzy thinking of all of the “what-ifs” concerning going into labor while walking through the park. None of which, thankfully, actually happened.
4) When I purchased milk on Monday, I noticed that the expiration date was May 6th. More than a WEEK after C’s due date. I cannot tell you all of the intense emotions that came holding this gallon of milk, standing in Braum's, thinking about how it expired in May. MAY for crying out loud.
5) On Tuesday, I felt the sudden urgency to have a stocked fridge and freezer in case anyone was staying at our house while I wasn’t there. So, I took all 3 kids and my very pregnant self to the grocery store. During nap time. Because this absolutely COULD.NOT.WAIT. Obviously, my friends, my mom and mother-in-law have NEVER shopped for groceries before and definitely could not find their own way to the closest walmart (less than 1 mile from our house).
6) And because we had a stocked fridge and freezer, I determined that it would only make sense to type up two pages of notes on meals. Including a menu and recipes for all dinners for the next week. AND it gets better…I also included a chart on how to pack lunches for the kids to take to school. A chart. With three columns. Main course, fruits/veggies, and a snack. Does this sound necessary to anyone else? Helpful? Maybe. URGENT? Maybe not. Because we would definitely leave our children overnight with someone who is not capable of packing a lunch without a table of directions. Good thing I got that cleared up.
7) Then I decided that a table of how to pack lunches would be completely useless without TWO DOZEN peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the freezer. You know, in case each of our children eat EIGHT sandwiches during the time I am away from the house and anyone else there is unable to make more.
8) AND THE VERY BEST ONE for the finale. RRL and I had a difficult conversation this week about the overwhelming reality that we will soon have FOUR children. We were talking through all of the emotions that comes with that. Of course there is joy in knowing that the Lord created this little one, but it was good for us to talk about the fact that deep-down there are some emotions that don’t quite equal joy. We know it will also be hard at times. It really was a necessary conversation and will be so beneficial to us as we continue to work hard at being united on the parenting front. That said, maybe it would have been better to talk through some of that a few weeks ago, before my current state of complete irrationality landed in our home. Mid-conversation I actually said something like “FINE. If you can’t be more supportive and excited about this, I’d rather just DO IT BY MYSELF.” Right. I’ll just drive myself to the hospital, encourage and support myself through labor and bring home our newborn ALONE. That would be so much easier. Luckily, that is not how the conversation ended. And thankfully, he knows how I really feel. RRL is my favorite team-mate and my biggest supporter and fan. HOW.IN.THE.WORLD could I do this without him? Sorry, Babe! PLEASE COME WITH ME. Please.
Obviously there have been the normal nesting things like washing all of Christopher’s clothes, blankets and burp rags. Being sure diapers are accessible, pacifiers are sanitized, etc. Possibly this urge to prepare is because there is so little control I have right now over the process the body is going through to prepare. Which is truly miraculous indeed! It really is such a sweet feeling to know soon baby C will be here and none of this will even matter. While we wait, I guess I’ll just keep writing long blog-posts, building necessary spreadsheets and organizing areas of our house that can.not.wait another minute. Because once he arrives, I plan to do nothing but snuggle his sweetness and eat frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.